After weeks of preparation both emotionally and practically, we received a devastating call this morning. Henry will NOT have his surgery Friday. There are no beds in the PICU at Stollery - therefore no place for Henry post surgery. They will have to reschedule. Next date is Nov. 29. We are crushed beyond crushed.
The stress of this is beginning to take it's toll. Henry is showing more signs of needing this surgery. His O2 requirement gets higher daily. The delay feels like a dangerous dance - and once again - we have no control. None. We simply have to ride along.
The emotional fallout today is big. Chaotic thoughts have raced through our minds for several days. This delay triggers even more chaos. Closing our eyes to 'sleep' sets off a never ending battle of 'good vs. evil' dream in our minds. Of course we try hard to will 'good'. It's not always easy. Lack of good sleep compounds stress and worry, worry and stress compound lack of sleep. Overall, we are okay and keep chaos at bay.
Beyond our own emotional battles that we wage, we have had so many good friends that selflessly volunteered to help us during the coming week (s). Many had booked flights, arranged work and child care schedules, and prepared to help in any way they can by coming to Ronald Mcdonald house to help with Magnus and perhaps Owen during this time. We will need to reschedule all of this. With any luck we still have their support.
Cancel Ronald Mcdonald, reschedule help, cancel Vital-Aire, unpack what's been packed and worst yet, reset the emotional countdown clock once again.
Today is a hard day. We are crushed.
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